"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.
Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing."

So here's my best five minutes on:::

Voice…

Diana Krall - A Case of You

This is a very appropriate prompt today as this song has haunted me for the last couple days. Yes, it's on repeat. Yes, I DID listen to it all day. It happens like that for me sometimes. Something consumes me, calls to me, and I become... enchanted.. err.. OBSESSED!!!!

Songs, lyrics especially do this to me. I think I remember creating mix tapes of NOTHING BUT ONE SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

It's a sickness.. must be.

Diana's voice, interpretation is soooo compelling to me. The whole ensemble is remarkable actually. Songs like this remind me that human nature... even with all our pitiful traits and imperfections... we are so very close to the heaven we desperately crave. We are so close to the creator. We are... one.

Ophelia by John Everett Millais

 

"I remember that time you told me you said
'Love is touching souls'
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time "

My life so far

1978: HELLO!

1979-1982: No recollections. Stories captured: Father was in the armed forces in South America. We moved around a lot. He decided to flee the socialist government and when he was successful, he coordinated our travel to another country.



1982-1986: Small still memories of living in Suriname , now Dutch Guyana. I liked my dolls and imitating my mother. She was not very amused most of the time. She was never really happy. I don’t remember smiles or laughter.

1986: Traveled on a plane to come to America . I wore a pretty blue outfit with eyelet designs. Stayed with my aunt and uncle. Then moved into an apartment across the street. Discovered TV. Been hooked ever since.

1987: School. Lots of kids that are clean, pretty with nice matching clothes that don’t smell.

I realize

I don’t fit in.

I hate myself.

I hate my family for putting me in this position.

1988: My grandparents come to America and live in the same duplex. My aunts are so fun and so beautiful. Home life rough. Parents always fighting. I run away to my grandparent’s place. They let me know very quickly I do not belong. I am not welcomed. What is wrong with me?

1990: I am smart. Very smart. I get sucked into the world of books, reading and studying. So happy and joyful. I live so many lives in my books.

1991: Moved into a house.. A HOUSE!! WOW!! Not an apartment with just a hallway for my room. WOW!! I have a room.. with a door and a lock!!! WOW!

Start at a new school. Not sure what’s happening to my studies. I’m becoming average.. normal.. no longer excellent. I struggle to keep up. I am drowning.

I meet my best friend. I start high school

1992 - 1994: Still struggling with school. No one cares though. It’s no longer fun to accomplish high marks. Now it’s expected. That’s the thing about perfection. You have to continue and keep up with it. It’s really hard. Lost motivation. Music is my only escape. Most days are go to school. Come home. Watch TV. Eat dinner. In silence. Starved for attention. Need affection, comfort. Love. Boys seem to like me. They think I’m pretty. Obsession. Got the internet. Met him. He showed me true love. He helped me understand how unique and special I was. He pulled me out of depression. Parents found out about him. Forbid me to talk to him. Spiral back down. Mother is overhearing and cruel. I can’t listen to her tell me how much she hates me anymore.

Suicide attempt.

Mother kicked out of the house.

Can’t wait to go to college. Decide to choose the one farthest away.

Parents divorce for the last time.


The Scream by Edvard Munch

1994: Victimized by a family member. Went off to college. Freedom. Finally. I belong. Father is getting married. She’s pregnant. I have been rejected/replaced. I was the draft version of his life.

1995: Boyfriends, partying, probation. Father cuts me off from college funding. Forced to drop out. Have no skills to figure out how to do it on my own.

1996-1999: Move in with a friend in Alexandria, VA. Eventually find my own place. Couple different jobs. Lived with boyfriend. Landed the best job in the world at an airline company. The world is my oyster. JOY.

September 11, 2001 – The day was mass confusion, heartbreak, fear. The world is ending. I lose my job 2 weeks later. I move to Houston with friends. I decide to rebuild my life and start praying.

June 2002 – Met the man of my dreams.

September 2003 – We join a church.

May 2004 – Married the man of my dreams.

September 2006 – Land a job that I could really make a career.

February 2007 – Mother passes away tragically in a fire.

March 2008 – Purchased our home!

April 2009 - Completed a 40-day fast. The Lord revealed himself to me in so many glorious ways. I was changed forever. Reset.

February 2010 – Gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

2011 – Contemplate my career, my life and pray that I am doing what’s right for my son.

2012 – Received acceptance from my father. Learned to finally accept and love myself as I am. Once I loved myself, love came pouring in from everywhere. Peace surrounds. My soul… opened up.

The Annunciation by John William Waterhouse

 

Book Review: Fifty Shades Freed

Fifty Shades Freed by E L James

My most favorite parts of this book:
(no spoilers edition)

"Stepping back into the bedroom, I hurl the hairbrush at him, turn, and leave -- though not before I see his shocked expression and his lightning reaction as he raises his arm to protect his head..."

"And it's not just the allure of his fine, fine face and his body that has me spellbound. It's what's behind the perfection that draws me, that calls to me...his fragile, damaged soul."

"I'm grateful for his intervention, as I don't wish to discuss menus or butt plugs with Mrs. Jones right now."

"But I'm sure we'll be fine as long as you keep your hands off my husband."
    She gasps.
  "Otherwise, you're fired. Understand?"

"Surprise!"

"I'm intrigued. I'll come find you.
Be ready."

----

Personal Reflections:

Fifty Shades Freed reminded me of the beginning of Act 2 of Into the Woods.

We left off Fifty Shades Darker when Ana broke the spell that held Christian captive. They are happy. OH! They are so happy! It’s endearing, enchanting even… sweet.

It could end right there – but alas, no.

There are consequences, danger looms.

Ana’s plays the part of Little Red Riding Hood, she ventured into the woods, was consumed by the Big Bad Wolf and managed to change Christian’s fate. He is liberated by her insistence that he must deal with his demons.

Ana also plays the part of Cinderella in some scenes trying to cope with so much luxury.

Christian also plays the part of Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk in his first relationship with a woman. Ana still has trouble contending with his previous life. Oh goodness girl, get over it! He wouldn’t be your Fifty Shades without her!

Okay, so the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Love isn’t enough. They play the blame game. Sacrifices must be made and then BOOM! – The giant has fallen. She reveals something to Christian that sets him off and all I can say is WOW!

Then the action starts to heat up and it feels like a James Patterson novel. Hairs are standing on end, fear has stopped my heart and..and… there are no happy endings. Are there? ARE THERE?

Cinderella says to the prince, "My father's house was a nightmare. Your house was a dream. Now I want something in between."

Does she get her wish?