My Prayer Partner

This post inspired me to ask Kristen to be my prayer partner.

We started just about a month ago. Praying together via weekly emails has been a great blessing to my life. Kristen and I have known each other for years. We’ve done bible studies together along with being in a professional organization throughout our careers. We’ve celebrated, cried, laughed, griped and celebrated some more.

It’s been nice to have her as a prayer partner because she’s basically seen me at my worst and at my best. When I ask for prayer on particular issue in my marriage, she knows how irritating I can be with my constant perfectionist nature. She knows if the cast of characters around me don’t follow the script that I forgot to give them, it’s maddening to be around me. She knows which scripture to pray and asks the Lord to cover me with me with his peace. She gives wise counsel I know is from the Lord above.

 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20

6 years ago..

I saw some bikes online in an ad for Target. Then I remembered:

The apartment on the 3rd floor. I was about  12 or 13 maybe. My dad bought me a bike. She couldn’t stand that I was given a gift for my birthday. If it wasn’t about her… well... it's nothing... she’s just hateful like that.

Her house was too clean. She couldn’t have a dirty nasty bike in there. She left it on the porch, unsecured. Of course it gets stolen. Of course she doesn’t care.

It was 6 years ago we laid her in her final resting place. I just thought I was free.. oh no. Every once in awhile these memories flood from a vile place. The angry self takes over; I become the person I hate the most. Squash it down once again before the real monster in me reveals herself.

Until next year without a thought, or a word, it tries to take me again.

 

Afraid

It's Five Minute Friday!

The rule: Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.

Today's prompt: AFRAID

Here we go!

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afraid, adj.

Afraid.. an emotion I’ve known for most of my life.

Childhood--

Afraid of:

getting a beating, getting in trouble, disappointing someone , maybe someone laughing at me.

Teenager –

Afraid of:
Wearing the wrong clothes yet again, saying the wrong thing yet again, disappointing someone

 20s--

Afraid of:
Being alone

 Present—

Afraid of:
Missing out by being a full time working mother.

Future-

Afraid of:
Not being there. Regretting the decisions of the now.

 

Don't miss it

It's been a rough couple weeks:
Sinus infection that turned into bronchitis that turned into pneumonia.
Days of laying down in bed.
Caught up on all the shows.
Caught up on my magazines.

It was a rough couple weeks. I felt miserable, depressed, sad... annoyed to be so unproductive.
Then a moment came upon me. I moved my head all around panaromic style and realized how blessed I am in this sweet shelter of my home, surrounded by glorious paintings, the love of a great, tender man and the little hands that hug me with all his might.
Oh those little hands.
Those sweet cheeks that balloon up when he smiles. Those dimples melt me every time!

Accomplishing tasks, to do list and goal setting has been my life since ... since I had a first memory. These weeks amid the hacking coughs, the misty haze behind the Kleenex, between nebulizer treatments and nasty cough medicines have revealed another deeper layer.

I catch a glimpse of it every so often but it's fleeting and all too short.

This hiatus helped me see something that I too often miss.

This job.. here at home... is the most important. I can't give my best to a world that is fickle and give the leftovers to the ones who matter most.

This world often will disappoint. This world won't remember that you need your medicine every four hours. This world won't tenderly attend to your needs when you're down. This world won't be there at the hour when you're about to give up.

This home and the people that encompass it, they are the ones who deserve my absolute hardest work.

It's a messy, crazy, chaotic place. It's maddening and heartbreaking. Mirrors show your imperfections all around. No hiding behind spanx or makeup. Just you, raw and real.

This man: whom I share a bed with, who I share air and space, he loves me... truly loves me and all my insanity. He believes in everything I do. He thinks I'm talented and bright. He forgives all my moments of fear and forgets they ever happened!

And that little boy's face: the joy that sends him running to me like crazy, his blanket whizzing behind him. My body may never be the same, but to him, I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, even when I'm at my worst. To him, I'm the super hero that can make bubbles. Right now, I'm his best friend, his favorite treat, his one true love. There is nothing like this love of a child. So surreal, so cosmic, so beautiful. A small glimpse of heaven it is.

How have I forgotten this beautiful gift?

The gift of motherhood, the gift of family, don't miss it.. for anything!

Review: Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

Many thanks to Tyndale Publishers for providing me a complimentary copy of Oliver Twist on CD.

It took me awhile to pop it into my CD player in the car for unknown reasons. Once I did, I was riveted. It was so good!! Usually the "books on tape" I get are of a college professor lecturer's voice droning on and on and putting me to sleep. Not this dramatization! It was like a movie developing in my mind. There were different voices each playing a different character. The dialect and accents were spot on and the music sequences were really good at getting you to feel each scene.

I had heard about Oliver Twist and people's love for Charles Dickens but had never actually picked up the book. I don't know why! This work made me really appreciate the brilliance of his work as a writer and how it propelled storytelling to the next level.

Poor Oliver Twist, an orphan, stuck in terrible situations with awful people. He just can't catch a break. It's horrifying really. Then one day he makes a break for it. You think it's going to be great, but alas, more troubles, more woes beseeches this young fellow until by chance he meets a man who shows him mercy.. kindness. A series of unfortunate events still won't let go of him and you wonder if this will out okay. Poor kid.

This story gave me a glimpse of England way back when and really helped to understand the attitudes and discretion my own family used. The country I was born in was a British colony. Some of the  language and customs were adopted throughout the generations and culminated into present day. I can see where their cynical nature came from. I can see why overall they mostly believe in man's heart of darkness. I think they lived Oliver Twist's life and passed down the attitudes to our generation.

I really enjoyed my long drives. If you've ever driven in Houston, you know that is a laughable statement. Believe me, it was worth all the drudgery of traffic, all the bumper to bumper rush hour mess just to sit and listen and let this story come to life.

I got a feel for what it was like back in the day with no televisions and people listening to the radio to the "soap operas." So exciting to catch a glimpse of the past.

Will definitely be keeping my eye out for more Focus on the Family radio theater productions.

Home

Growing up in my house was like living in a museum. There was not a spec of dust anywhere. ANYWHERE.

It was immaculate.

Saturdays were spent shining the brass until your fingers were green. Walls were wiped down. Everything must smell of Pine Sol or bleach mixture. The austere quietness was like being enslaved behind white brick walls. Shoes must be taken off, no walking on the carpet and you must never EVER sit on the couch! Everything laid in perfect order. I couldn’t wait to leave that place.

That institution. Beautiful home but no warmth. Lovely things but no friends. God forbid you should cough or sneeze in there, she’ll spray you down with Lysol (true story).

 

Now that I have my own place to call home, I would rather let the dishes sit in the sink, let the dust pile, let chaos reign. Until one day it gets to be annoying then I clean like crazy. I’d rather spend my time with the people I love, the books that give me escape, music that spins my soul into a dance.

 

My father came to visit once. I almost panicked at the evidence that a toddler resides here; that this a home where people actually live. I looked around and realized, this is my home, not a museum. This was me, all around. He’ll either accept me now or never. And as we said our goodbyes, he smiled and said, “Nice house!” I was overwhelmed with joy. I was enough. I was accepted. It was a beautiful feeling.

 

Seve and I get into some crazy moments. I can’t stand the clutter by his many piles, he can’t stand dishes in the sink. I can’t stand unruly carpet stains, he doesn’t like folding clothes. It gets crazy managing the upkeep of the house, but I always remember that one moment and it sustains me.

 

Review: Anna Karenina

Movie Review: Anna Karenina

I ventured out to see this film with my local book club. I had gotten through part one of the novel. It's a daunting read... no... it's exhaustive. Ridiculous amount of detail.

The movie brought the book alive. It was awesome. Everything in my senses were stimulated. Delicious feeling. Just the vivid colors of the costumes and scene changes and the scenes themselves were exquisite. Lots of attention to detail.

 

One of the few movies that made me really satisfied intellectually. Lots of movies these days do the work for you. This one, you had to infer, extract data and then come to conclusions. Beautifully done.

 

 

Anna Karenina is played by Keira Knightley. who definitely brought her A-game to this role. It's like she was born to play it.

 

 

Jude Law plays her husband, Karenin. He is amazing. The movie brought something else to the character. I think I sympathized more with his character than the one I read about in the book. He brought a humanity.. a softness to the role I hadn't expected.

 

 

 

Aaron Taylor-Johnson plays Vronsky. That's all I can say on that. I don't think the character was built to be likable or memorable in this case. Anna is the focal point and takes the stage front and center.

 

 

 

 

To say that I enjoyed it is a total understatement. I can't wait to own it and watch it over and over again.

 

 

At the end, there's a cryptic message that makes you actually want to get the book and read it. Any movie that can do that gets top honors in my book.

 



 

 

 



Thank You

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt:

Thank You

The only thing that comes to mind, is this song..
Might as well just copy it since it will be playing in my head for days now..

I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
'cause everyone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me
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Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
And I've often wondered, how did it all start?
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart
Like a melody can?
Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Songwriters: ANDERSSON, BENNY GORAN BROR / ULVAEUS, BJOERN K. / KORTNEV, ALEKSEJ ANATOLEVICH

 

Stay

It's Five Minute Friday!

This week's prompt: Stay

I want my little boy to know his Hindustani culture. Just give him a sense of where my roots are.. where his roots lie. Just a sense.

Diwali was coming up and I suggested some things we could do to celebrate. All practices had an allusion to celebrating the pagan gods and were vetoed quickly. How can I give him a sense of myself in his American house?

When the teachers at school asked him what he was thankful for, he said "Maji!" That's his nickname for me. I'll never know  where he picked up that word from. We sponsor an indian child named Majji but I don't think I've really ever said her formal name. Her informal name is Laxmi which is what we've always used. I was googling something one day and then I saw it: Maji means Mother in Hindi! WHAT? How is it possible that he knows that! So sweet. I don't really have to teach him where he comes from.. it's within him. It'll be there. Always.  Somehow that will stay with him regardless of how I influence him.

Quiet

It's Five Minute Friday..
Yes, I realize it's Sunday!



Today's prompt: Quiet

In our last episode of FMF, we talked about roots. I longed to reconnect with my childhood heritage at times. To my surprise, there ARE happy memories. There ARE moments of splendour and fulfillment. Why it takes 20+ years to see that, I will never know. I saw this post from my favorite DIY bloggers, John and Sherry. It reminded me of a Hindu holiday we called Holi. It brought me back to such happiness. I remembered our small poor village gathering to celebrate. We threw water, powdered colors, white powder, even mud on friends, family and strangers. We cleaned like crazy. We cooked like crazy. It was a feast. We shared with the neighbors. We smiled, shared our thanks, gave our best. Once I saw the info on the Color Run,  I knew I had to be a part of it. As luck would have it, they were having one in my hometown. I was blessed to participate today with my man. It was AMAZING. The mass amount of people from all walks of life. People brought their kids in strollers, guys were wearing tutus, everyone was having a blast. During the run, I had some great moments of reflection looking out at my city skyline.

There were some small still quiet moments to close your eyes while random people threw colored powder and filled the air, your eyes, ears and mouth. The colors were splendid. The energy was electric. I've come full circle.
I cannot wait to do this again next year!