Sunday, May 19, 2013

Book Review: I'm No Angel

I'm No Angel by Kylie Bisutti

Many thanks to Tyndale Publishing for sending me a complimentary copy of I'm No Angel by Kylie Bisutti.

Kylie's memoir gave a front row seat to the world of modeling from the bottom all the way to when she became a Victoria's Secret Angel. It was a fascinating piece and also heartbreaking to see what these young girls go through all for the pursuit of being beautiful.

Kylie learned her true worth in Christ Jesus. The scriptures before every chapter were spot on. A very quick read and ... yes.. she DOES tell you what Victoria's Secret is.

The real hero in the story is her husband Mike. He treated her with respect, allowed her to follow her dreams even when he knew it wasn't in her best interest or in the best interest of their new marriage. He fought his battles with prayer. He asked the Lord to open his wife's eyes. It was his example that really left an impression. "...The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective," James 5:16.

The best parts of the book:

"I believe God allowed me to walk through the fire and see the best and the worst the industry had to offer so I could come out on the other side stronger and wiser, with my eyes fully opened to the truth. And now I believe He is calling me to share what I’ve learned, with the hope that other people won’t have to learn the hard way, as I did."

"But deep down, both of us desperately longed for the glamorous life we imagined Victoria's Secret Angels led - the attention, the fashion, the fame. I had no idea yet how empty and unsatisfying that lifestyle could be."

"Mike sat beside me, took my hand, and prayed - for us, for our day together, and for the many days we hoped to share together down the road. I don't know if it was the summer sunshine, God's sovereignty, or simply being this close to the man I loved, but I couldn't remember ever feeling so happy, so safe, and so loved as I did in that moment."

"I knew that Photoshop was used to get rid f blemishes or scars for print ads - especially for closeups - but I had no idea they would completely alter the way a model's body looked. Even when I'd dropped all the way down to 108 pounds my waist hadn't been that tiny."

"As Mike held me and I shared my dawning realization with him, I could practically feel the relief pulsing through his arms.
    'Thank God, baby.' He gently rocked me back and forth. 'I've been praying so hard for you. I knew God would open your eyes to the truth. I just knew it.'"

Thursday, May 9, 2013

brain dump 1

This is a space I've reserved to dump all the things taking up space in my brain and lay them at the feet of this world.
In the end, I hope this practice releases me from all its entanglements and suffocation.

Void and loss

It's here.. right here in this chest, in my full belly, in my thunder thighs.


Guilt sets in, then anger, then disappointment... then depression


You know who. I dare not say it.out.loud.

Dead all these years and she's still here haunting my very soul

pity when they die, they still don't leave.

They infiltrate dreams, decisions, words said in haste.

Oh how I wish she'd just die.

Oh what freedom it would give to me.

Alas, freedom isn't free.. isn't that the saying?
It requires bloodshed, sacrifice and more bloodshed.

Samson and Delilah by Peter Paul Rubens


doesn't see me.

All this time I tried not to admit it.

Lots of words said

Stunning silence of the words most longed for

Shared room and bed

Empty void of disappointment.

Day after day.

Forged tenderness
Shove myself in a place he doesn't seem to want

Too much talk,

No actions.

He doesn't want me.

Penthouse suite,
Beauty surrounding,
Sea beside us

But no cohesion.
Just excuses and resentment.
Resentment turned to bitterness
Bitterness into acceptance

And waiting.. just waiting.
For the silent Adam to become a man.

In the dark.