This is a space I've reserved to dump all the things taking up space in my brain and lay them at the feet of this world.
In the end, I hope this practice releases me from all its entanglements and suffocation.
Void and loss
It's here.. right here in this chest, in my full belly, in my thunder thighs.
Guilt sets in, then anger, then disappointment... then depression
You know who. I dare not say it.out.loud.
Dead all these years and she's still here haunting my very soul
pity when they die, they still don't leave.
They infiltrate dreams, decisions, words said in haste.
Oh how I wish she'd just die.
Oh what freedom it would give to me.
Alas, freedom isn't free.. isn't that the saying?
It requires bloodshed, sacrifice and more bloodshed.
|Samson and Delilah by Peter Paul Rubens|
doesn't see me.
All this time I tried not to admit it.
Lots of words said
Stunning silence of the words most longed for
Shared room and bed
Empty void of disappointment.
Day after day.
Shove myself in a place he doesn't seem to want
Too much talk,
He doesn't want me.
Sea beside us
But no cohesion.
Just excuses and resentment.
Resentment turned to bitterness
Bitterness into acceptance
And waiting.. just waiting.
For the silent Adam to become a man.
In the dark.