Monday, May 7, 2012

No one came to my birthday party

I was in high school.
I had three friends that I always hung out with.. maybe not that many.
My best friend put together a party a week before. It was amazing. Most of the people there were her friends. I was still grateful.
My dad wanted to do something too. He didn't know me. My life. He was strict. Made absolutely everything difficult. Going out to the school play took weeks of planning and preparation to just even ask the question. With a shaky voice I presented my case: gave the time, date, who I'll be with, when I'd be back and why it was important for me to go. He never actually said yes... just a dismissive grunt and a wave of his hand as if I was a fly that was pestering him.
Anyways, so I didn't really invite many people. I didn't really know how to put together an invitation. I didn't know how to ask.
So the day came, the cake was ordered, the house was immaculate, the pool inviting,  the barbeque was going and massive food was prepared. No one showed up. Embarrassed. Sad. Ashamed. It still stings today. It was probably the last party I had.
I've been working some of my dad issues for the last 11 years.

Today was the first time I actually remembered he got on the phone, called up some of his friends with kids my age and they all came over. We had a BLAST!!! We danced, we ate till we were stuffed, we splashed each other in the pool. He came to my rescue.
Why am I just realizing this now? He was there for me all along. I mattered. I was loved. I WAS cherished. That one moment defined him as a man, as a father. It's crazy to think that everything I ever wanted, I already had. I was just blind through it all..

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful post about seeing who someone really is instead of trapping them in the identity we have given them. It is so hard, especially with people we know as well as parents, to just let them be themselves. I get so wrapped up in expecting them to be what I think they are. This is so well written!