Perspective

Welcome to 5 Minute Friday:

Today's prompt: Perspective.

It's hard some days to have any type of perspective in the trenches of it all. I try to be the good wife, the good mother, a good prayer, a good employee. Most of my brain is scattered. Pieces of me here and there. 

I'm building my way up .. up where? I haven't a clue. There's always some goal to lose this extra weight, or to get that light fixture up, to look at the stars more, to read more. At the end of the day when the kitchen is still a mess, the floor is sticky and baby is fast asleep, I escape it all and try to find sleep. Oh glorious sleep. I should get more sleep, I should get to bed earlier.

Alas, the next day's confusion beckons as the alarm clock wails.

Will I ever see what matters?
Or will these walls come tumbling down one day?

Identity

On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt:

Identity

I am:

Woman.

American.

Indian.

Short.

Smart.

Friend.

Wife.

Mother.

Writer.

Artist.

Lost.

A Size 4.. once

Now a size I don't dare admit.

Too many times we limit ourselves in definitions.

Every so often,

I’m dying

to be

Free.

To

Just be

Me.

To accept.

To love myself as I am.

Instant wrapping paper

Have your little one draw on long pieces of plotter paper.

Roll em up, keep it for future use
When you need to wrap a gift, use your little one's art work and voila!

Always a hit with friends and grandparents.

No one came to my birthday party

I was in high school.
I had three friends that I always hung out with.. maybe not that many.
My best friend put together a party a week before. It was amazing. Most of the people there were her friends. I was still grateful.
My dad wanted to do something too. He didn't know me. My life. He was strict. Made absolutely everything difficult. Going out to the school play took weeks of planning and preparation to just even ask the question. With a shaky voice I presented my case: gave the time, date, who I'll be with, when I'd be back and why it was important for me to go. He never actually said yes... just a dismissive grunt and a wave of his hand as if I was a fly that was pestering him.
Anyways, so I didn't really invite many people. I didn't really know how to put together an invitation. I didn't know how to ask.
So the day came, the cake was ordered, the house was immaculate, the pool inviting,  the barbeque was going and massive food was prepared. No one showed up. Embarrassed. Sad. Ashamed. It still stings today. It was probably the last party I had.
I've been working some of my dad issues for the last 11 years.

Today was the first time I actually remembered he got on the phone, called up some of his friends with kids my age and they all came over. We had a BLAST!!! We danced, we ate till we were stuffed, we splashed each other in the pool. He came to my rescue.
Why am I just realizing this now? He was there for me all along. I mattered. I was loved. I WAS cherished. That one moment defined him as a man, as a father. It's crazy to think that everything I ever wanted, I already had. I was just blind through it all..

Book Review: The Help by Kathryn Stockett

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

The best parts of this book:

"It's eating me up, not knowing, but what I do know is, a month ago, I decided there had to be a more dignified way to die than having a heart attack squatting on top of a white lady's toilet lid. "

"She like one a them baby chickens that get confused and follow the ducks around instead."

"... he kissed me so slowly with an open mouth and every single thing in my body- my skin, my collarbone, the hollowbacks of my knees, everything inside of me filled up with light. "

"I stare at her and my anger is sudden, ferocious. Everything I've kept down for months rises and erupts in my throat."

"... For forty-eight hours I've done nothing but type. I am stupid with facts about other people's lives. My eyes sting from the smell of typing ink. My fingers are striped with paper cuts. Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious. "


Personal reflections:
Okay, so I had heard all the hype about the movie.. how hilarious it was. I saw bits and pieces from a preview. I heard a couple people I admired and respected rave about the book. So of course I had to get to reading this gem.
I have to admit, there are some hilarious parts that get you laughing out loud. But most of it is so sad... so disturbing. I still find it hard to fathom the evil that lies underneath of mankind. I've seen this kind of person in my own life, my own family, my lifetime. I still am unbelieving. This was an excellent book. Well written. Well thought out. This is one that will stay with me forever. One that will hold my very soul captive.