Dressing Room Reveal

About a year ago, I turned the guest bedroom into my very own dressing room.

Oh.my.word... it's been the best thing! I love it so much.

I wanted a space that was just mine.

It is one of the most enriching experiences to get ready for my day...

So.. without further ado... here is ... the dressing room reveal:

 

This is a towel rack.

Hung double ring shower hooks to hold my jewelry.

 



 

 

Shoe rack/ bookcase... grabbed from the neighbor's trash pile.



 

 

My dressing/accessories area.



 

 

 

 

The sofa has a pull out bed so we can still host guests.



 

 

These are not all of my clothes.. they are some of my favorite pieces and clothes I'll wear in the upcoming week. It's fun rotating my clothes every week. I wear almost all of my career clothes and utilize the dressier pieces for casual/career wear.



 

 

Having all my jewelry out and displayed is awesome!!



 

 

I cannot wear these shoes.. the heels are too high and they are unforgiving... but they're soo pretty!!!



 

 

 

My tribute to Phantom of the Opera. I love this music box sooo much. My man got this for me for Christmas...

 

  

 

Every girl should have their own dressing room. It makes life grand!!!



 



MUSIC REVIEW: Shine On

Sarah McLachlan: (n.) a beautiful, timeless being with a haunting voice that sears into your heart.

Listening to her new album, Shine On.

It does not disappoint. It's everything you'd expect with a few tidbits of new jazz sounds as she continues to evolve in her music.

This is an album that would serve as a canvas for the swanky dinner parties at dusk. I picture little candlelit tables all around, fireflies dancing about outside, the smell of jasmine, roses and hyacinths spilling all around.

This is one I would listen to during a relaxing bubble bath as I travel all around these melodies.. these stories.. these feet that take me to new and familiar places.




My favorite songs:

In Your Shoes:
"Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose"

I have yet to do this after all these years. To walk out in my shoes, be who I am without all these masks, accessories, costumes, scripts. I die slowly a little everyday pretending.

"You’ve got a light that always guides you
You speak of hope and change as something good
Live your truth and know you’re not alone"

 

Beautiful Girl:
"I know the world can be cruel, pretty girl
You’re gonna make it ’cause you’ve got love on your side"

I so needed to hear this the last couple days...

"One thing that I know
Is it will get better… "


The Sound That Love Makes:
Immediately I was tapping my feet and swaying in my chair when this song came on.
Very Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson feel to it.

I'm still swaying..

What's It Gonna Take:

Another song that was speaking to me!

"What’s it gonna take to make me worthy
What’s it gonna take to make me strong.."

"What’s it gonna take to lift the darkness
What’s it gonna take to light my way
I have so much to give I’ve only just begun to live.."

"How will I believe and see this through
When I feel so unready and I feel so alone.."


Little B:

Precious lullaby!
So sweet.
I plan on learning every word and singing it to my little boy blue.

I love this verse so much:
"I will treasure these years
Of our borrowed time
As much as I want it
I know you’re not mine.."

No.. he's not mine.. he belongs to the Almighty God. I have the honour of loving him and guiding him through this life. In return, I might have a chance to understand .."as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is..." - Ephesians 3:18

Honorable Mention: Monsters

Another fun swaying rhythm. Really enjoy the lyrics and melody on this one.

"And don’t you know that there’s a wolf stalking in sheep’s
clothing tells me he’s the real thing
Think what your life would be missing
if you didn’t have him to sing
To sing about... "
Hmmm....


Honorable Mention: Broken Heart
Oh! This is a GOOD one...

"How long? How long?

I should be thinking with my head
and not with my broken heart
Look to the future for all it’s got and not to us being apart..."

I so wish I could give her a big hug.

dreams deferred

Building a marriage and family
I somehow thought..
it would end my loneliness

I'm still here
There
In the empty school parking lot

My parents dumped me off
They were too busy with other things

I was the burden
Undesirable

I couldn't speak
say what I wanted
needed

No.

I give.. EVERYTHING
every
ounce
I
Have

And I'm still alone

Empty
in
the
parking lot

Hiatus

Ok, so I know I've been absent for awhile.

I'm working on it.

It's hard.

Everyday I want to write. I want to be free.

I get scared... of.. EVERYTHING.

Of.. people knowing the real me.

I just... I just... don't know if I can.

I am working on it.

trying to write everyday.

I know it will propel me forward in ways I never imagined.

I know it will be worth the sacrifice.

I'm looking down and almost ready to jump in.

ALMOST.

Writer

I see the world through different eyes

Life’s song in various melodies and proofs

Beauty in the ashes of destruction

Hope amidst the storms

Peace in the chaos

I relay the words, thoughts, and gifts

I give my heart, myself through these words

I am… the writer.

 

 

On Divorce

I am a child of divorce, an innocent bystander at the age of eleven, a casualty of war.

 

There's no real way to describe the terror and destruction left behind:

The pain,

the guilt,

the anger...

remains long after they have left this world.

 

I heard a sermon that helped me see outside of myself, outside of my pain and gain a perspective on the other side: my mother's side of this whole thing.

 

I never gave her much credit while she was living. I never valued her then... or now. 

She was a victim of a mental illness. Although she couldn't help the way she behaved, it still hurt and paralyzed me.

 

I respond in mean and hurtful ways to those that love me because of the years of abuse I endured. It's clear now to me that I fear acceptance, love and family. Somewhere in this brain I am afraid this will all come crashing down and explode; leaving me again amongst the ruins. I walk around with reptilian skin... anyone who touches me will be poisoned with my venom.

 

I never thought of her and her pain of rejection when my dad wanted a divorce. Even when they got back together a couple years later, she was still haunted... I can see how it killed her inside. She was dead long before she passed away years ago.

 

I have trouble honoring her in a meaningful way... then again she's another poor soul, a victim, another casualty of war.

 

Someday, I will let it all go and shed this skin.

 

 

 

 

The script

These days are fatigued and long
Anticipation, then dread.

I wish I had a script
A character to get into
A plan of action
Makeup and wardrobe

Then I remembered..
I do have a script.
It's been there all along..
In fact I have about 11 of the same scripts:

 

 

 

Putting my head and heart in the word these next couple weeks. Hiding it in my heart and wielding it as a weapon when the storm comes.

 

 



Address

The spirit of death resides in my home.

The minute I leave, I’m at peace.

Limit: the point of existence when my body, mind and soul have reached maximum capacity

Hell: I’m quite sure it’s right here

Invincible summer

The love of a good man:
He wakes up in the midst of cold mornings and illness.
Warms up my car
Defrosts and scrapes the ice off my windows
Packs it with all the essentials before I head off to work


On these brutal cold mornings, his actions warm my insides
I find within me an invincible summer…

WRITE

"It’s time to silence the inner critic.
It’s time to hush the voice that whines on and on about how you’re no good.
It’s time to cram out the distractions and excuses and take pen to paper, keyboard to screen and write.
It’s time to write.

We call it Five Minute Friday.

Where everyone writes for five, unedited minutes all on the same prompt.
This week, that prompt is the challenge itself, the dare, the scary.

This week’s prompt is 'WRITE.'"

----

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”  -Anais Nin

It was probably in middle school when I saw the high school production of Jesus Christ Superstar. I had a crush on the guy that played Judas.

In the second act, the character sings a reprise of "I Don't Know How to Love Him." He's tormented by his act of betrayal; disgusted with himself and executes one of the most painful, beautiful lines:

"Does he love, DOES HE LOVE ME TOO?!!"

Out comes the cry of my heart.

I didn't know the words I was asking all those years when I questioned life, Jesus, Grace. I could never put it into words until that moment.
Does HE love me:
The bad seed, the black sheep, the cast off?
Does He love me TOO?
Could he?

I finally came to understand GRACE in that one line.

I heard myself  in Judas and I accepted HIM into my heart finally. I believed.. sure, but never REALLY let Him in.

That's when I fell in love with theater.

There was magic on that stage. In the darkness I saw the light. In the stage, I saw myself.  There was magic in the song, in the voice, in the script. I've been in love ever since.

That one scene still comes to mind every so often.