Still

 "On Fridays, a few of us have fallen into the habit of taking five minutes to just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.Five minutes to remember that we are creatures sculpted by The WORD  and made for The WORD and beloved by The WORD.In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. John 1:1-3.So on Fridays, we take the dare to become Word Artists. To throw editing and proof reading and critically raised eyebrows out the window. We finger paint with our words – in pink and blue and dark purple. In glitter glue and bright green.Just five minutes. No more. No less"
 Today’s prompt: Still

"Be still and know that I am God". (Psalms ??:??) Stop. Do nothing. Say nothing. Be still and know that he is the one, the only. He is, he was, he will be. All life still moves on even though I haven’t moved. It will continue moving. It will be imperfect. It will be disappointing. It will hurt. It will also be glorious and wonderful. Be still. Still…Sometimes, ok.... “MOST” times.... I feel like if I’m not completely involved in EVERYTHING then things will fall apart. No one can do it like me. I am the one that holds it all together. I know God laughs at me all day. I’m probably his evening sitcom as he watches my whole day unfold. If only I could just stop and let things fall apart. It’s probably alright. It will probably be fine. It’s in all those messes, mistakes, and mishaps that we find true humanity… truth revealed in the dungeons of Eden. How far we’ve fallen. How glorious mercy is. If only I could accept. Let go.

  



Jewelry - Where it all ends up...

 So this is a cute little jewelry organizer I got from a dear friend that hangs in my closet:  

But.. this is not enough for all my necklaces... so I got these cool push pins with hooks and hung them up in the closet:

A couple pictures hang up from my favorite style bloggers for quick inspiration when I can't figure out what to wear...

So I get my outfits together and then come home, but... all my jewelry ends up on the vanity counter..

Yep.. that would be a canister set that USUALLY goes in the kitchen.. however, it provided more use in my bathroom for all my ... stuff: eyeshadows, liners, brushes, etc.. I got those cool hands from a jewelry store. I asked if they could order some of the display hands for me and they did! The only charged me what they paid (wholesale) for them.. LOVE THEM!!!  More pictures of where my jewelry ends up:

I've learned to just accept my laziness and see it as a gift of ... art...

Where do you keep your jewelry??

 

Heaven is for Real

The best parts of Heaven is For Real:

"We were completely unprepared for something more serious. The doctor led us in the hallway, where there was already an X-Ray clipped to an illuminator.When I saw what was in the picture, my heart dropped to my stomach."

"By the second afternoon, I saw something that terrified me: the shadow of death.
    I recognized it instantly. As a pastor, you sometimes find yourself on a deathwatch... there are telltale signs: the skin loses its pinkness and fades to a jaundiced yellow. Breathing is labored. The eyes are open but the person is not present. And most telling of all, a sinking and darkening around the eyes. "

"The doctors would bring back test results, test results, test results. But no answers, only useless observations. "

"I realized I was starting to accept that, yes, maybe Colton really had been to heaven."

" 'Did you have wings?' I asked
   Yea, but mine weren't very big."

" 'Well, the reason I was yelling was that because Jesus came to get me. He said I had to go back because he was answering your prayer. That's how come I was yelling for you,' "

"And Jesus answered my prayer? Personally? After I yelled at God, chastising him, questioning his wisdom and his faithfulness?
  Why would God even answer a prayer like that? And how did I deserve his mercy?"

"Colton squinted, peering up at colors pouring across the sky. 'Cool,' he said with a nonchalant smile. 'I prayed for that yesterday.'

"... we had a lot to learn from our son."

" 'You mean I have to fight monsters with a sword?'
   'Yeah, Dad, but it's okay,' he said reassuringly. 'Jesus wins. He throws Satan into hell. I saw it.' "

" 'Dad, that one's right.' "

"Before, I'd heard, but now I know that someday I'm going to see."

Personal Anecdotes:
This was a sweet quick read. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this for readings sake. I was encouraged. I smiled. I laughed. I cried. It was a thought provoking piece or "peace". I have to ask myself myself yet again, "Why do I have such little faith?"
Heaven is for real. God is real. We are loved tremendously as God's children. The evidence is all around us. It's up to me to tear away the veil of my silly human brain that cannot comprehend.

Full

5 Minute Friday:

Linking up with Gypsy Mama again... (a day late)..

"On Fridays around these parts we like to write. Not for comments or traffic or anyone else’s agenda. But for pure love of the written word. For joy at the sound of syllables, sentences and paragraphs all strung together by the voice of the speaker.
We love to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. For five minutes flat."

Today's Prompt: FULL
And... GO:

A heart full of love, a night full of song... I'm doing everything all wrong.. yea.. that's the only thing that is coming to my brain. I'm a musicals fanatic. That particular lyric is from Les Miserables. I watch that video of the concert every couple months and act out the whole thing. Yes. I know..
Full. Most days I feel empty, lost, ALONE. I don't know why. Depression and sadness and anger have all been recurring themes the last ten years. Every so often though... I get a glimpse of sweet glorious heaven and my heart is full.

Every so often, there are no words to describe the moment.

Every so often, my heart is full.

And these are the moments I live for...

That keep me going..

Who needs albums?

I know I should probably put these in an album... but why store them away and glance at them occasionally when I can be reminded of my amazing friends and family throughout the whole day?

I open up my cabinet door to be greeted with pictures from Christmas, baby announcements, graduations, engagements, or just random pictures I have that I love.

This is my nephew. He has a cabinet door all on his own..

I got this beautiful platter as a housewarming gift and it was just too pretty and needed to be displayed. Every so often I change the quote. This scripture has been up for quite awhile...

I just realized 3/14 is my late mother's birthday.. Wow.

The Bible In 90 Days - Week 1

The Bible in 90 Days. Wow. I had no idea how hard this was going to be.

I need a good 1.5 hour to devote to doing this.

WOW. 

I’m still way behind.

What else is new?

I read slow. I forget, and now I’m just drowning in all that I have yet to accomplish.

This seems to be a recurring theme in my life.

I have 11 bibles in my house. Surely I can commit and read at least one of them from cover to cover.

The insight that I’m gaining so far is tremendous.

I feel truly blessed when I can sit down by myself and read the Word, the stories, the letter from our lord. I feel like I’m reading these stories with new eyes. As if I’m going back to my childhood home: There was a time when this place was my whole world and was large and wide and endless.. now everything looks so ... different...
Alice in Wonderland feel to the whole thing.

He Said, She Said

Welcome to the first edition of He Said, She Said.

In this exercise, Seve & I pick a topic and we both write about it (separately) in an effort to understand each other and perhaps see things in a different light.

In this first exercise, I asked that we both write about “the state of our union”.

You can see clearly how Seve and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum. We speak the same language, yet we are worlds away.

The state of our union…

He Said:

I have been married to my beautiful wife for 7 years.  We have a wonderful home and a beautiful 17 month old son.  Life is sweet.  We have everything we ever wanted. 

My wife and I spend much of our day at work. One of us will pick up our son at daycare and when we get home it is a whirlwind of playing, bathing, feeding, etc.  Our life is not what it used to be.  Before our son came along we could do anything we wanted to do.  Go to Galveston for the weekend, hell ya.  Sleep in late on Saturdays, you bet.  Now we have schedules, so many schedules; they can be quite overwhelming.  Especially for me, I am not the most organized man on the planet.  My wife and I are still trying to find time for us.  We find ourselves taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back.  We have forgotten why we married each other.   I married a beautiful and creative woman.  She married a wonderful man (after I passed her 100,000 questions test; I will dive into this in a future post).  It seems we are running around in the dark, trying to find our way.  We do not have the patience and understanding we once had with each other.  Our tempers are short; we never seem to be on the same page with each other.  AAAHHHHH, it is so frustrating.  I wish my wife knew how much I love her and that she is the only one for me.  I am the luckiest man alive; I have the best woman at my side. 

Marriage is definitely a lot of work.  It is a lot of give and take.  But in the end it is all worth it.

She Said :

We’ve come such a long way. We’ve come to a beautiful place of understanding and hope. Both of us have changed dramatically. With these evolving changes it seems we hardly know each other anymore. It causes a shift in the cosmic evolution in the state of our union. Sometimes I wish he would just see me. Sometimes I feel invisible like I’m not even here. I want validation. I need recognition. I long for the days when I would walk into a room and everything stopped silent. I want to be that devastating beauty again. In all this evolving and changing, I lost something. I lost me. Or maybe did I lose him? Maybe I’m not captivating anymore. Maybe I’m just boring. Maybe this is a time for self-reflection and transition. We have come a long way, but the race is not yet over. This is the part that makes or breaks us. This is the part where we stand strong and fight and show up even if we are being pushed away.

Master Bedroom - While You Were Out

Special thanks to Kim Stephens of Fairy Dust Decorating for all her help.

She made the whole experience so awesome!!

It was just like being on While You Were Out.

Weekly Cleaning Checklist

http://images.marthastewart.com/images/content/web/pdfs/2009Q3/ms_checklist_weeklyclean.pdf

LOVE BUTTON

Loss

  It’s 5 Minute Friday @ The Gypsy Mama’s place.
Where we share our hearts..
…..in five minutes with unedited, unchanged writing.

Prompt: Loss

Loss. The only thing I can think of is the loss of my mother. 4 years ago. I lost someone who is probably the only one who understood me. (broke the rules and just hit the backspace button more times than I care to mention). Hmm. I don’t want to write about this. Why couldn’t something else come to me? Because this is the only real loss I have in my life. It’s harder than I care to admit. It’s bigger than I want it to be. It means more than I’m willing to give it credit for.
And that’s all I have for 5 minutes.

I know Gypsy Mama waived the time constraints, but this is all I can do today.

Thank you Gypsy Mama for helping me see something critical that is most likely the explanation for the depression, panic attacks and overall unhappiness I’ve been experiencing for awhile.

I get lost driving to work

So I was driving to work this morning, listening to the radio. I somehow MISSED MY EXIT and ended up on the wrong freeway!!! I was so freaked out and panicked didn’t know how to get back on the right road to get me to work. I’ve been driving this SAME EXACT route for SIX FREAKING YEARS and still manage to get lost!!! What the H#%%!!!

So, I try to stay calm and keep driving straight until I can U-turn.

Then I miss the turn to get on the right road AGAIN.. (I was in the wrong lane.. again..) but as I keep going straight everything starts to look familiar and realize I can turn left in about a half a mile and be at my office.

OMG !!

Seriously.

I couldn’t make this $#@! up. I just couldn’t.

See how the office managed to find me even though I’m a complete dingbat when it comes to directions?! See?

The End..

Thank you Lori for this inpirational post...

At the end. How do I want this thing to end?

At the end of this life, I want my husband to remember me with love.

He will say that I was a wonderful joy to be around.

The light in his world.

The one that made everything ok.

Our love was what kept him going through all the messes, the pain, the disappointments, the madness.

In the end I would like him to say that it was all worth it.

He wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else.

 ------------------

At the end of this life, I want my children to remember me smiling with joy always.

I hope to instill excellence in everything they do: whether it’s going to school or going to the laundromat. It’s not important to get the best grades or to be the highest achiever. What’s most important is who you are on this inside. Your true self that exudes whether you like it or not. True success is honoring everyone around you. Showing gratitude and kindness to the person ringing up your groceries or the person who delivers your mail. I’d much rather they surround themselves with well rounded individuals of all sorts who are positive and uplifting rather than  be amongst  their peers who are in the same education level or industry. I want them to have confidence to be who they are and love themselves unconditionally. I want them most of all to know that they are loved beyond their capacity to understand. We have but a short time on this earth. In this short time it’s imperative that we love one another and “consider others better than ourselves” (Phil 2:3). In this brief moment, make it count; not in a souped up resume but in a loving home where love is the highest goal, where the spirit of the Lord resides freely.

For me, in the end, there is only one word that gives me utmost joy. In the end I just want Peace. Peace in my soul.

I would like to thank Lori for the inspiration behind this post & Gitzengirl for the artwork.

Invisible

Why do my needs come last?

I get so frustrated meeting everyone else’s needs with nothing left for me. I feel like I don't matter. Invisible.

Played in the rain

I cannot stand Sundays. It means the end of the weekend. Ironing needs to be done, bags need to be stuffed and it the next marks the beginning of a grueling work week. I don't know if I'm dissatisfied with my job or if I just don't like having to wake up at a certain time, be somewhere and be a corporate slave.
I long for the days when I can wake up when I'm done sleeping.
Where I can plan my day on a whim. Take a walk if I desire. Eat when I'm hungry. Be caught up. Each week I'm drowning and I feel like it gets worse and worse. Like I'm spinning in whirlpool. Out of control.

But today... we got up, skipped church, I had to do some retail therapy shopping, when I came home we jumped in the pool and it started raining.. rather than rush inside we decided to just play in the rain. Nothing's gonna stop us from havin' fun..
Except THUNDER.
In which we scoop up baby and run inside and hide.

ALONE .. what to do?? what to do??

So Seve is out with the boys tonight. Drewlbug is sleepy-poo. I am all by myself with my thoughts.
Lots to clean and organize and unfinished projects to complete...

But, I'd rather read my favorite blogs.. listen to music, find stuff to eat, drink wine & just think about doing something productive..
Oh the hangover is going kick my butt on that one..

Hey, check out this book review from Mighty Girl. Maggie never fails to inspire me to catch up on my reading list. She also makes me ADD more books to the already overwhelmingly LONG list.

"Annie Dillard has said that day by day you have to give the work before you all the best stuff you have, not saving up for later projects."

This is my new mantra, mission statement, theme - whatever the word is nowadays.

If I could be like da!

My little Drewlbug.. he wants to be like da soo bad...



Praying Power

5  years ago I read a book called What Makes a Man Feel Loved.

I never finished it. I have lots of books like that. I read them halfway through and they get lost under the bed.

The author talked about how his wife prayed everyday. Prayed for him everyday. She was really organized about it too. She had a list and a BINDER! Each day was allocated to a certain subject matter except Sunday which was a day of rest and for church. WOW! I never thought of putting a binder together!! And categorizing prayer lists? Awesome!! Totally right up my alley. I found a basket, a binder and created my tables I and was ready to go!

Later , a year and a half later, that binder turned into a pocket planner with just lists on each day. Then it just disappeared as I set up Outlook with reminders everyday of specific prayers for my husband. Every day at 9:30am I’d get a pop up screen with different scriptures and prayer for my husband. I said the prayer quickly and moved on.

This morning I realized what a transformation my husband had made. What a different man he is. How blessed I am to have him in my life. One major factor is that he quit drinking.. completely. Five years ago I would have laughed at anyone who would predict this phenomenon. It’s actually a miracle. We got into the worst fights in the beginning of our marriage because of his drinking habits. He became a different person and I hated it.

HATED IT.

Now, I’m starting to get to know the real man. I so love what I see. He takes care of the laundry, the bills, pitches in around the housework as needed, I never have to ask. I can’t believe how lucky I am. There are many things I that I never have to worry about in my marriage. We have our days when we’re snippy and don’t like each other much but this power of constant prayer has changed us both 180.

We have some major issues that need to be worked out… by a professional. We will get through it. These issues are mostly from my insecurities. They stem from when I was victimized as a child.  God has a way of making all things new.

Prayer changes everything. Even if it takes you years to realize it.

Resources:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/topics/downloads/index.php?id=9473
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/topics/downloads/

5 Minute Friday

Today I am linking up for the first time to Gypsy Mama's 5 Minute Friday segment.

Today's topic is GRATEFUL. I write for 5 minutes and just keep writing. Here goes nothing.

A grateful heart is something I should have. But these days are so wild and busy and insane with tasks, appointments and more errands than I can run. I am out of breath. I am grateful for this. It is wonderful in this crazy time. It will be gone all too soon. All too soon the house will be quiet. All too soon the house will be clean and immaculate but lonely. No pitter patter of sweet little feet running away from you. Ah. I am so grateful for this moment when I am the only joy and only love of my little boy. Too soon he'll realize he doesn't need me. Too soon he'll realize he's smarter than me. Until then... I just savor this craziness. I soak it all up and forget about the dishes and the sticky floors and just sit and watch him sleep. Why is this simple thing so beautiful and magical? This right here must be a glimpse of heaven. This is why people must take recreational drugs. To feel this enormous glory. To be right here where I am.
---------
Thanks Gypsy Mama!

Birds on the Wall

Welcome to my craft corner.

I saw these bird decals on a website and they wanted some crazy amount for it! So, I decided to make ‘em myself!  I was so in love.

I went to Walmart and saw room décor circle decals on clearance for $1.00.. SCORE!!!
At that point I knew God loved me.

I found some bird silhoute clip art and enlarged them as much as I could on the copier settings. Each 8X10 paper had a different bird decal design on it.

I got the decals out, traced them and cut them out. I used only the largest circle decals

I even used the adhesive white backing as an extra decal. I stuck em on the wall with masking tape folded over on the back. I am so pleased with the project. It costs a minimal amount and the fact that my hands made ‘em makes my heart so happy. I see them every day in my living room and they remind me to:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26 (NIV)

So the birds.. okay.. for some reason Seve and I have this cosmic magnet on us to attract fledging birds. We’ve had more birds show up on our doorstep than we can count. They are always hurt or have fallen out of the nest or something. Steve and I have had to build a makeshift nest for them and pray that the momma bird comes for them, we have had to take one to a wildlife rehabilitation place, we have had to save one from a cat, we’ve had to catch one flying around the house.. it’s CRAZY. CRAZY I tell you.

We’ve tried and tried and tried to figure out this phenomenon. Most times I think it’s God telling me not worry about everything so much. I asked him to take care  of it in prayer and he will, according to his will and his timeline.

Then I read something that stopped the world for me.

I realized the birds represent me. It’s me that’s forgotten how to fly. It’s my fear  which keeps me from my dreams. The fear that has paralyzed me from childhood. So I sit, and I pray and try to find the strength to be myself; all of me, not just a sliver of what I think is the best part. All of me: the good, the bad, the OCD..Here is where the work begins. The forgiveness work. The hardest work of all. The type of work that makes me run far… Oh but how I want his anointing in my life. How I need his blessing. It becomes clear, crystal clear that I must endure and allow the pain to leave me. Go through it all even though it’s hard and there’s suffering. In the end, I have to learn, I am “fearfully and wonderfully made; [HIS] works are wonderful..”
Psalm 139:13-15

I leave you with a song and singer close to my heart. Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/JB2I5refJec

Love Button: Bono

http://dooce.com/2011/07/06/chills-i-tell-you

Bono.. wow............

So, my dear husband called;
 said he's stopping at Sonic,
did I want anything?
 In a frantic rush in the driveway trying to corral the child along with his bag, my purse, etc. I hastily said, "Yea, just get me whatever."
Little did I know...
Stop laughing...

He came home and got me chicken tenders... with chicken fried steak sauce of some sort. I ALWAYS get the Crossanwich at Sonic or the grilled toaster sandwich... ALWAYS. And... he got me a COKE. A COKE!!! Everyone knows that at Sonic you must always get the Strawberry LimeAde!!!
Wow. I guess men's brains really are different and you must explain things with detail and send them detailed instructions with pictures and hope that they don't mess it up... again.

MY LIFE GOALS

MY LIFE GOALS

Work for NASA | Have my very own dressing room | Have a closet of just shoes | Take that photography class | Safari in Africa | Scuba dive | See the Pyramids at sunset |  Have a croissant at a French cafe | Try escargot | Take a road trip across the U.S. | Travel to Greece | Whiskey at a pub in Ireland | Open a Swiss bank account |  Grow vegetables |  Write a novel | Be conversational in Hindi | Set foot on all seven continents | Set foot in all fifty states | Stand atop the Great Wall of China | Stand inside the Taj Mahal | Take tap dancing lessons |  Make my own perfume | Make a peaceful living space for our family  | Tithe |   | Have a portrait done of myself | Ring a church bell | Own land | Write a million dollar check to a charity |  Zip line through a canopy | Lemonade on the front porch swing, warm summer night | Finish up or give up all the unfinished projects in the house  | Buy a stock on my own |  Have a big wedding anniversary party |  Finish the baby book | Read every book on the book list I started | Get my degree | Be a college professor | Remove toxins from our food and environment | Have a family portrait taken |  Make my own font |  Sleep in a treehouse | Take a drawing class |  Finish wedding album | Swing dance |  Create an office that cradles me | Start an annual event |  Movie nights on the patio | Themed dinner night | Look great without makeup | Become a chessmaster | visit  St. Peter's Basilica | Invoke Thursday Bubble Bath Night | Be Able to do the NY Times Crossword in 2 Min.  | Create my portfolio  | Write that book  | Ballroom dance well  | Backyard Camping  | Star in a Broadway show  |  Be on Oprah  |  Bellydance  | Become a Yoga Instructor | Be a Music/Movie/Book Critic | Be on the Momversation  | Take Drew to Disneyworld!  | Have a master bedroom with matching furniture | Paint portraits, capture the essence of people |Forgive fully and easily

RECIPE: Slow Cooker French Beef Dip Sandwiches

Slow Cooker French Beef Dip Sandwiches
1 3-pound boneless beef chuck roast, trimmed
1 10.5-ounce can condensed French onion soup, undiluted
1 10.5-ounce can condensed beef consommé, undiluted
1 10.5-ounce can condensed beef broth, undiluted
1 teaspoon beef bouillon granules
8 French or Italian rolls, split

Halve roast and place both halves into a slow cooker. Pour the soup, consommé, broth and bouillon over the roast. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours or until meat is tender.

Remove meat and shred with two forks. Serve on rolls. Skim fat from cooking juices and serve as a dipping sauce. Serves: 8.

---

My husband aka "Seve" thought this was the best thing ever. It was so easy.

I forgot about the beef boullon granules so I just addded some salt and it was perfect!! Oh, and we trimmed the fat only after it was all cooked and ready for the table.

This will definitely be added to the family recipe book.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. I spent it at Starbucks reading the New York Times arts section. These are moments I’ve always dreamed of and when they come to life… it’s surreal. It’s like I’ve always been here doing this very thing but not. Surreal. That’s the only word I can come up with. Some experiences have no words to describe their intimate glory. I wanted to spend all morning there, leisurely… but after about an hour, I heart missed my sweet little boy’s face. Alas. Another day. There will be days when that little boy will be all grown away at college and I’ll have all the time in the world to drift away in articles, stories, games on my laptop. But for now, this very precious moment is cut short to give me a glimpse of heaven. A glimpse of what’s to come. And now, on to diapers and dishes and Barney. Whoever introduced my child to Barney must die… oh wait. That was me.

People who need people...

There are the those people that are always willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Those who believe intrinsically that the heart of man is overall good and kind. I am not one of those people. I am always slow to let ANYONE in. I think I can do everything myself. That I would be happy all by myself in a room with my laptop and music.
It's taken me a long time to get away from the mindset that everyone is out to get me.. That they are all just waiting for me to make one wrong move so they can pounce and cackle and laugh at me. They willl say, " I knew it! I knew she wasn't really good. She really wasn't perfect. She's trash. She's worthless. She doesn't belong."

It takes a lot for me to ask for help. I'd much rather go to the library and get 12 books on the subject, vigorously take notes and formulate a plan without anyone's help.

As a mother, you learn the value of needing other's help. Their opinions. Listening to those who have walked these aisles of Walmart before in a frazzled hazy disheveled daze.

And as a woman who can't figure out how to get out of the Starbucks parking space on a Sunday morning, you praise the Lord over and over again for the sweet chinese man and his friend who offer to help weave the vehicle out so you're not stuck there all day in tears wondering why you can't apply simple geometry.

People need people.

"People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."