It's been a rough couple weeks:
Sinus infection that turned into bronchitis that turned into pneumonia.
Days of laying down in bed.
Caught up on all the shows.
Caught up on my magazines.
It was a rough couple weeks. I felt miserable, depressed, sad... annoyed to be so unproductive.
Then a moment came upon me. I moved my head all around panaromic style and realized how blessed I am in this sweet shelter of my home, surrounded by glorious paintings, the love of a great, tender man and the little hands that hug me with all his might.
Oh those little hands.
Those sweet cheeks that balloon up when he smiles. Those dimples melt me every time!
Accomplishing tasks, to do list and goal setting has been my life since ... since I had a first memory. These weeks amid the hacking coughs, the misty haze behind the Kleenex, between nebulizer treatments and nasty cough medicines have revealed another deeper layer.
I catch a glimpse of it every so often but it's fleeting and all too short.
This hiatus helped me see something that I too often miss.
This job.. here at home... is the most important. I can't give my best to a world that is fickle and give the leftovers to the ones who matter most.
This world often will disappoint. This world won't remember that you need your medicine every four hours. This world won't tenderly attend to your needs when you're down. This world won't be there at the hour when you're about to give up.
This home and the people that encompass it, they are the ones who deserve my absolute hardest work.
It's a messy, crazy, chaotic place. It's maddening and heartbreaking. Mirrors show your imperfections all around. No hiding behind spanx or makeup. Just you, raw and real.
This man: whom I share a bed with, who I share air and space, he loves me... truly loves me and all my insanity. He believes in everything I do. He thinks I'm talented and bright. He forgives all my moments of fear and forgets they ever happened!
And that little boy's face: the joy that sends him running to me like crazy, his blanket whizzing behind him. My body may never be the same, but to him, I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, even when I'm at my worst. To him, I'm the super hero that can make bubbles. Right now, I'm his best friend, his favorite treat, his one true love. There is nothing like this love of a child. So surreal, so cosmic, so beautiful. A small glimpse of heaven it is.
How have I forgotten this beautiful gift?
The gift of motherhood, the gift of family, don't miss it.. for anything!