Another Christmas at Seve’s parents place. It’s always so peaceful and free at his childhood home. I stay in pajamas most of the time and lounge, take naps, watch TV, read, surf the net. It’s a true vacation when you don’t have to worry about cooking, planning, preparing and all the mayhem that comes with having company. My mother in law is so gracious and special. She has EVERYTHING my little Drewlbug needs: a high chair, snacks, milk, favorite fruits, toys everywhere, and the crib all set up. She is the most amazing person on this planet.
My own childhood Christmas memories are..forgetful. Most years I didn’t know it was Christmas until my dad handed me an unwrapped new toy. No words, no hugs, no kiss, just one toy that I was thrilled to have. So happy not for the toy but for my father finally acknowledging my presence. I played with the new tea set for months at a time and imagined great stories for each piece and had wonderful imaginary friends that were always there to play with me. Most of my life has been in my head.
At my in-laws place, gifts are lavished and showered upon you. It’s amazing. It’s overwhelming. It brings up feelings of guilt. I get depressed at all that I missed out in my childhood. How broken and hopeless my family is. How glad I am not to be a part of the destruction. How sad I am that they’ll never know the joy.. the real joy and hope of Christmas. God with us.
This year I was just filled with gratitude that I didn’t have to spend Christmas alone. I was surrounded amid chaos and madness and laughter. Joy was all around me. I took a moment to look around and soak it all in.
We gave and received. We remembered the birth of our king. I think of Mary in that stable. It must have been cold and unappealing. She must have looked into the eyes of her sweet baby boy and forgotten where she was, who she was and everything else must have disappeared as the sweet angel face slept peaceful and beautiful. A silent night. Gifts came from the three kings. Small gifts, simple gifts.
Their greatest gifts.
Drewlbug was unhappy most nights in a new place out of his routine in a strange bed. Staying up with him and lack of sleep led to irritation of Seve snoring. I said some things that sent him out of the room. I don’t remember. I was too freaking tired. I planned, budgeted, and purchased all the Christmas gifts. I loaded the car up. I sacrificed. I gave didn’t I? I still come up short. I still remember the Gift the of the Magi. My greatest gift should have been a sacrifice of the heart…It should have been tolerance.